Parables of Grief-Anchoring Faith Amidst Heartache

What if the very foundation of your beliefs is shaken by grief, leaving you feeling vulnerable and broken? Join me, Mama Bear Wendy, as we explore this question and embark on a heartfelt journey through loss, inspired by the teachings of Doctrine and Covenants 6:34-36. Through personal stories, including the profound experience of losing my husband, I share the struggle between fear and trust, and the challenge of finding peace amidst pain. Together, we'll reflect on the enduring truth that our worth remains constant, even when our ability to "do good" is diminished by the weight of grief.

In this episode, we transition from despair to hope, embracing faith and trust in the Savior's ever-present love. I'll share insights into the transformative power of repentance and the importance of viewing divine promises as realities in our current lives, not just distant hopes. By acknowledging the unwavering support of the Savior, we uncover a path toward healing and resilience. Through heartfelt prayers and personal reflections, find solace and strength in knowing that every promise holds true now. This episode is an invitation to seek additional support and guidance, reminding you that you are never alone on your grief journey.

Chapters

• 0:03 Navigating Grief With Mama Bear Wendy
• 14:12 Embracing Hope and Trust

Transcript

Mama Bear Wendy: 0:03

Hello friends, this is the Parables of Grief podcast and this is your host, Mama Bear Wendy, I'm here to share some love and light with you on your journey through grief and loss. I hope, as our healing paths connect for the next few minutes, we can walk together and find strength for the road ahead. One scientist suggests that what the grieving need most is to have others witness our pain and help us not feel so alone. I hope in our time together you will find the companionship and understanding that you need. The intention of this podcast is to use parables of grief to find the Savior and His promised healing in the daily and commonplace, to see how we are truly never alone and to find, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, the Savior by our side, even if we didn't recognize him at first, because he showed up in unexpected and common ways. Also, there is much coming soon to help with your journey. The Parables of Grief book will be coming out by Christmas of 2025, and there are opportunities to join me in online grief groups and one-on-one companion sessions. Please check out my website at momadbearwendycom for more information.

Mama Bear Wendy: 1:13

Hello, my friends, today we are going to talk about the parable of a savior and learning to fear not. This comes from the scripture, doctrine and Covenants 6, verses 34 through 36. 36 is actually the youth theme for this year, and look unto Christ is the youth theme, and today I just wanted to talk about the different ideas that are in these verses. The first idea, that is actually let me read you the scripture first. Therefore, if you're not little flock, do good. Let earth and hell combine against you, for if you are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Behold, I do not condemn you. Go your ways and sin no more. Perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you. Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not, fear not. So the first thing that I noticed as I was looking through the scripture was in 34, it says fear not, and then in 36, it also says fear not. So it's like a circle, right? We're going to talk about how the beginning he asks us not to fear, and then at the end he also asks us not to fear.

Mama Bear Wendy: 2:34

So the first part as widows and widowers and those that are grieving or have had loss, grieving or have had loss one of our natural tendencies, it seems, is to be afraid. I know for myself that when my husband died, lots of things that I believed, lots of things that I understood the world to be, were challenged that day. One of the things that I believed was that God would always protect us, and that day my husband was killed. We weren't protected in the way that I thought. So that created a lot of fear in me, and still does. At times I have moments of great fear, and so choosing not to fear means choosing to trust.

Mama Bear Wendy: 3:32

I've also had lots of moments of fear of the pain. Grief is a pain I never understood before and it is pretty pervasive. It's kind of all-encompassing at times and you can't really run and you can't really hide and it just takes over the world if you let it. So fearing not the pain has become a new way of life where, when the pain comes, instead of resisting and refusing and running or getting busy or sleeping a lot these are not solutions that work for the long term. Sometimes they are a reasonable way to take a break, perhaps, but I also feel like not being afraid of the pain has brought me more peace.

Mama Bear Wendy: 4:34

As humans, we have been taught from a very young age that if you put your hand on the stove and it burns you and it hurts. Then you remove your hand and that's what you try to do, with pain always. But the pain of loss is different. It doesn't let you escape, it doesn't let you move away from it, especially spouse loss, because of the pervasive nature of your relationship. The pervasive nature of your relationship, hopefully, with your spouse and that you had a lot of connection points throughout your day, throughout your goals, like maybe in your work. All the ways that you connected with your spouse now have points of pain. So going to bed can be a source of pain because now you're alone, and dinner can be a source of pain because now you're alone, and perhaps the jobs that you divided and conquered are now a source of pain, like taking out the garbage or when my car breaks down. Those are both points of pain for me.

Mama Bear Wendy: 5:46

Another point of fear in my experience has been the idea of what seems to be a loss. So, like I said, when my husband was killed, it seemed that I wasn't protected that day, that I wasn't protected that day, that he was not protected that day. It seemed that our family was irreparably broken. It seemed that the world had exploded and there was nothing left. Those were all feelings of fear, fear of the future, fear of what would happen now. Fear was my kind of constant companion, and choosing not to fear meant I chose to give what was not mine to control back to God and trust Him. Trust Him that the plan, his great plan of happiness, had not broken that day. Trust that God had not abandoned our family. And trust that, even though it was a horrific event and a tragedy, that God did not mean he was not available to help anymore. And yes, his help has changed, but he is still very present in our family. He is still very aware of us and helping us from his side.

Mama Bear Wendy: 7:41

So the second part of the scripture is do good, and I have some questions for us about do good. So one of my go-to's throughout my life has been checklists, and my value has been based in my good works. What I can accomplish and during this time I have had to accomplish has decreased, but my value to Heavenly Father has not. So, even though I have days where I have to recover and accomplish very little, that does not decrease my value to the Lord. I have another question.

Mama Bear Wendy: 8:40

This question is in what ways can your motives for doing good works influence your relationship with Heavenly Father. And so we come back to this question of motivation, right? Am I doing good works to be seen? Am I doing good works to be approved? Am I doing good works to have value? In my life, I have spent a lot of time congratulating myself on my accomplishments and perhaps giving myself a grade for the day depending on how much I was able to accomplish, depending on how much I was able to accomplish, and that isn't really what it is about.

Mama Bear Wendy: 9:25

Good works should be more motivated by how Heavenly Father feels about them and by this feeling of approval well done, thou good and faithful servant, rather than this feeling of self-pride and even arrogance, perhaps, of like I can do it myself, I can do everything. I have had to learn multiple times throughout this last two and a half years that I can't do everything by myself, do everything by myself, but that through the strength of the Savior and His ability to help me, I can do what is required. And that is a very different way to come to this question of doing good. Do we do good to be seen and to be approved of by others, or do we do good to be approved of by the Lord? And then the last question about do good is what is one thing you can do to follow the Savior's example in doing good works? And this brings us to a lot of questions about.

Mama Bear Wendy: 10:33

The Lord was very good at serving all, not just the popular. He was very good at dining with sinners and publicans and the people that were outcast. He was very good at seeing the one who was marginalized and on the outskirts of the culture. He was a light in people's lives. He was a spokesperson for truth, and I guess how are we doing with our good works to those who cannot repay us, to those who need us the most but have no ability to reciprocate in any way?

Mama Bear Wendy: 11:25

So the next part is build upon my rock, and in this time of loss and grief, there has been a lot of rebuilding. I've had to start over and in many cases, everything that I had planned, my future plans, the things that we had built, some of them, were destroyed that day, and so there's been a lot of rebuilding and I've had to address multiple times where my foundation is. Where is it that when the top was taken out, when the dust settled for lack of a better word what was left to me? And it was a joy to find that many of the things Mike and I had built together over our 32 years of marriage were intact. Our children are intact. Our children are a support and a love. They bring me great joy and each one of them has come to my rescue at times that I've needed them.

Mama Bear Wendy: 12:40

When the dust settles from your loss, what is left? It reminds me of the song, the primary song the Wise man Built His House Upon the Rock and makes me think of how often are we looking, in our grief and loss, to the things that were temporary anyway and lamenting those things that are gone that maybe weren't permanent to begin with? And how can your foundation be built on Jesus Christ and that rock, the bedrock of Jesus Christ, that cannot fail you. Another thought is how can you use what is solid, what is left after your loss, to bounce forward, to be resilient and to come back to a place of fruitfulness, to live up to the measure of your creation? Obviously, that you're still here means you still have work to do, you still have value and purpose and meaning. And how can you take your foundation that did not break when your spouse died? How can you build on that again? Yes, this is going to be a time of rebuilding, and so how can you build on the rock, the solid foundation of Jesus Christ?

Mama Bear Wendy: 14:12

The next part is sin no more, and when I thought of this, I thought about how I have had to repent, and by repent I mean change and grow from a place of fear and despair and go into a place of hope and trust, and instead of just falling down into the pit which I did multiple times and sometimes I don't know that I could change that immediately. It was part of the grieving process, but I also think that there was always a point where I had to choose, and the choice was do I sit in this despair and darkness and lack of hope or do I choose to turn back to the Savior and beg Him for the relief that I need, for the hope that I need, for the solid foundation that I need? I had to turn and embrace, embrace the Savior, embrace the hope, embrace all the things that he had promised me and accept that those were realities in my life now. At first it felt like the promises were all for eternity and that eternity was not today and not helpful in my suffering, and I had to embrace the idea that those promises were made for me now, in my need, in my hour of need. The promises of the Savior were not just for some distant day that I could not see, that I could not be in right now, but they were for me today, that the Lord's promises were for me and that I could trust Him more fully. I could trust and count on Him to succor me, as we talked about last week. Me as we talked about last week, that he would run to me in my hour of need, that he was on my left hand and on my right hand and he would buoy me up, and that all those promises that were made to me are for now, not just some future day.

Mama Bear Wendy: 16:35

Perform with soberness the work is the next part of the scripture and at a recent meeting that I went to, she said so what if soberness is the opposite of blind? What if soberness is the opposite of asleep? And what if soberness is accepting fully reality? So the opposite of denial which is one of the great places that I really enjoyed being my first year denial that he was actually dead, denial that he wasn't coming home at five o'clock in the evening when I was expecting him but soberness is also acceptance of reality. So if I am sober to my reality and part of my reality is this idea that President Nelson talks about of thinking celestial, and if I think celestial right now, actually my husband's death is a step in the progress in the plan right.

Mama Bear Wendy: 17:50

Death was always part of the plan. It wasn't a surprise to anybody that we were mortal, except me. I didn't expect anybody to actually die. Logically I certainly knew that. But that doesn't mean I was prepared for the jolting and the devastation and the feelings of separation that were just so overwhelming. President Nelson also talked about myopic and not being able to see the distance, not being able to see the future with clarity. In my loss there was a lot of myopic moments where my immediate suffering was so great that the future seemed very imaginary even. And so being sober to me means seeing the reality of now and the past and the future, and that they are all one actually in my Savior, that that is not just wishful thinking or a big dream that we might hope for, but that there is reality there. That brings us to the youth theme of look unto me and oh, how we need to look unto the Savior, who is mighty to save us. How can you more fully turn to the Savior in your sorrow and your grief?

Mama Bear Wendy: 19:25

I found it very difficult in my hardest moments to get the brainpower, the focus that I needed to do the scripture study and the prayers that I was able to do. So often before my loss, my prayers, my scripture study turned to very short bursts because that's all the focus that I could muster and those moments were enough. I testify that, even though my prayer was a heartfelt and sorrowful please help. I had no big words. I had no flowery poetic something. I had a very guttural soul, deep request for assistance. That's all I could pull out, and it was enough. And the Savior came out. And it was enough. And the Savior came. Look unto the Savior in your sorrow and your grief and he will come.

Mama Bear Wendy: 20:25

Doubt not is back into this doubt and despair and fear right. The opposite of doubt is faith and trust, and placing your faith and trust in the Lord is the way to find the healing and the solace and the peace that you so desperately need. What if everything you've been promised, every covenant you've made, every conference talk where the apostles end with an apostolic blessing? What if, in every place, those promises are true. They are true for you right now and they're not just a good idea. What if the Savior is real and he's not just a good idea but he is actually your brother who loves you who gave his life for you. a good idea idea, but he is actually your brother, who loves you, who gave his life for you, and you can rely on him implicitly? He is your sure foundation. What if the promises you've been made are not just for eternity, not just for some far-off unknown that is so far away in your grief and sorrow and pain, but what if they are for right now? And the last question is what if every word that has proceeded from the mouth of the Lord can be taken for 100% truth? I testify that that is the truth, that every word the Lord says to us is true and that it is true right now. It's not just some future date, but that right now you can rely on Him, you can trust in Him and every time you turn, every time you repent, every time you come back to Him, he will be there for you.

Mama Bear Wendy: 22:11

Thank you for joining me today. If you would like more grief support, please see my website at for my upcoming five pillars of resilience group and one-on-one opportunities. Although your experience and path will be unique, there is hope ahead in this path, and you are not alone. I can see your pain and we will walk this road together. Let's take a deep breath together and here is a big bear hug from Mama Bear Wendy. Until next time, thank you.